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Middle Age Crazy
Middle Age Crazy is episode ten of season two. It originally aired on January 6, 1989. Opening Teaser Michelle is in her room blowing bubbles with the guys. About a minute later, she leaves, and D.J. comes in and reminds them that they shouldn't be playing until "you've finished your homework". Apparently, the girls are playing "House" in the guys' roles. They say they have finished their homework, so as soon as she leaves and the coast is clear, they get back to their bubble-blowing fun. Plot Summary Stephanie knows it is not easy being the middle child. The way things are going, Stephanie thinks that D.J. and Michelle are getting all of the attention, and she herself is getting left out. Jesse and Joey are working on a jingle until they start helping D.J. with a science project, after they ignored Stephanie's request for them to watch her break a hula-hoop record. Danny is trying to videotape Michelle for Wake Up, San Francisco, ignoring Stephanie's request for him to watch her break the hula-hoop record that she also wanted Jesse and Joey to watch her break, and even worse, all three of them are ignoring the fact that she learned " " in school that day. Later that day, while in her room and using the cassette player with microphone (that she and D.J. share), she records the aforementioned song for Mr. Bear to hear; but, of course, with him being a stuffed animal and not being able to "listen", and her being ignored over D.J. and Michelle, she stops and says that her heart's not in it, eliciting groans from the audience. And with everything else that's been going on, those words have never been any truer than they are right now, and her heart's pretty much broken. She sits on her bed and dreams about herself as an astronaut returning from Mars (wearing a pink space suit rather than white). In her dream, she hopes that that will get everyone's attention; but again, the guys taping Michelle for Wake Up, San Francisco and D.J.'s grand "red carpet" entrance for getting the mail all by herself (and getting her "royal welcome" and "royal treatment" to boot) all pretty much sum up her life as a middle child...depressing. Stephanie has had enough, and she believes that the only way she will get out of this situation is if she is not living at home anymore, so she decides that she wants to marry her friend Harry. Their friends have a mock wedding ceremony, complete with the works. Then, the guys and D.J. come to their senses and realize how bad they have made Stephanie feel. And when she tries to leave, Joey and Jesse carry her back into the living room, with her (literally) in the middle of them! Then, everyone explains why being in the middle is good, giving two good examples: the bologna in the middle of a bologna sandwich (excluding any toppings and condiments), and the creme of an Oreo cookie, which, after dunked in milk, does not ruin the creme's flavor. They explain that she has a big sister and a little sister, and that whatever mistakes they made raising D.J. they don't have to make on her. However, those two examples from earlier lead D.J. to remark that she's the soggy part of the sandwich (the 2 pieces of bread) and the throw-away part of the cookie (the 2 chocolate layers). As the "end-of-episode" inspirational music plays, Danny reminds her that sometimes, her sisters will need the guys' attention. That's not to say that she is going to be neglected, but sometimes they will be too busy with the other two girls to focus on her. If she ever needs anything, she can come to them. So Stephanie decides to put the "marriage" on hold, and stay with her real family. With that out of the way, everyone hugs her individually, even D.J., and Stephanie even hugs Michelle, at which point the music stops. Afterwards, Danny decides to record his three daughters in the video. And, Stephanie treats everyone to her hula-hooping, which she finally breaks the record of 100 with 103, and starts singing "I Write the Songs", at which point everyone else joins in (after which the audience applauds and the EP credits appear). Trivia *The first episode in which Stephanie utters her recurring phrase "Well, pin a rose on your nose" *The episode is referenced in the Fuller House episode "War of the Roses", where Stephanie (who is still referring to Harry as her husband after all these years) has a flashback, complete with archival footage, as she recounts the "wedding" to Becky **Additionally, (2016) Harry repeats the line "holy mattress money" (a play on "holy matrimony") when he tells Stephanie he is getting married for real *"I Write the Songs" was composed, written, and sung by Beach Boy during his solo career after the Beach Boys' first break-up; the song is more popularized by Goof In one scene, the camera zooms up on the window of Michelle's room, but then cuts to D.J. and Stephanie's room (see below). Quotes back from break, we see the camera zoom up on the window of Michelle's room, but suddenly we cut to D.J. and Stephanie's room, where Stephanie records "I Write the Songs" on the cassette player with microphone for Mr. Bear to "listen" to. Stephanie: into microphone "I've been alive forever, and I wrote the very first song..." the singing and the recording Sorry, Mr. Bear, my heart's just not in it. audience groans as she puts away the cassette player and then sits on her bed Anyway, you're probably more interested in D.J. and Michelle. Everybody else is. No one cares what I do. we enter Stephanie's dreams, complete with the camera slowly zooming up to Stephanie's face, the glissando that accompanies this kind of sequence, and then the fade into the dreams. scene - Stephanie's dream. The guys are trying to get Michelle to blink Danny: Come on, Michelle. Jesse: You can do it. Joey: Come on. Danny: You're the best. Stephanie comes in, wearing a pink space suit complete with the NASA patch. Stephanie: Hi, everybody. I just got back from Mars. I'm the first kid in space. Danny: Oh, that's nice, honey. Wipe your feet. Jesse: Shh! She's ready to do it now. Don't mess up her concentration. Ready? guys take out video cameras just as Michelle blinks Danny: She did it! She blinked! Danny, Jesse & Joey: She's so cute. Stephanie: Excuse me. Did anybody hear me say, "I went to Mars"? Jesse: Steph, Steph, later. Michelle, for being so cute and adorable and such a good blinker. Joey, tell her what she's won. Joey: Well, Jess, cute, adorable, blinking Michelle has won Stephanie's bike! Stephanie: My bike? Michelle: My bike. Stephanie: You get my bike for blinking? I just got back from Mars. What do I get? the doorbell rings. Danny, Jesse & Joey: Get the door. Stephanie: Hot dog. does so, and appropriately, as a royal fanfare plays, a red carpet rolls into the living room. For me? D.J.: she enters No, for me. Get off my rug, you little nerd-bomber. Danny, Jesse & Joey: D.J.! the "royal welcome", they bring out what appears to be a queen or princess costume, complete with robe, crown, and scepter. They put the scepter in her hand, put the crown on her head, and tie the robe behind her to give her the "royal treatment" she deserves. Jesse: We missed you. Danny: My first-born. We're so proud of you. Stephanie: What'd she do? D.J.: I went to the mailbox and got the mail. Stephanie: But I went to Mars. Look what I learned to do. flaps her arms and suddenly floats off the ground and into the air, but again, nobody's paying any attention to her, as the rest of the family walks over to the couch and sits down. Jesse: D.J., D.J., D.J. Danny: You are the best daughter. Jesse: Let me get this straight. You walked all the way to the mailbox and back all by yourself? Talk about guts. D.J.: It was scary, guys. There were cracks in the sidewalk. Danny, Jesse & Joey: Oooh! they say this, we cut to a shot of the entire living room, with a floating Stephanie still begging for attention. Stephanie: Up here. A person is flying. [She floats across the room, but again, nobody's paying attention to her.] Jesse: D.J., let's go to the kitchen and get your party started. Patrick Swayze's in there, and he wants the first dance. D.J.: I love being first-born. all head to the kitchen, as a floating Stephanie is oblivious to all of them, except Danny. He gives her a rag. Danny: Steph, as long as you're up there could you dust the top of the mantle? then walks to the kitchen to join the others. Stephanie: How rude. fade back to reality. How very rude. ---- Stephanie: Great. Nobody wants me. Danny: Steph, what do you mean nobody wants you? Your family wants you. Stephanie: Some family. You don't even care that I broke the hula-hoop record or went to Mars. Danny: You went to Mars? Maybe we have been a tad preoccupied. Jesse: Kiddo, we're sorry we ignored you. We didn't mean to. Joey: Yeah, I guess we just got caught up in what we were doing. DJ: Well, now that my science project is done I can watch you hula-hoop. Stephanie: It doesn't matter! You're always gonna be the oldest, and Michelle's always gonna be the cutest, and I'm always gonna be stuck in the middle. [Stephanie tries to leave, but Jesse and Joey catch her, and bring her back..with her in the middle!] See what I mean? I'm stuck in the middle again! Danny: Steph, I understand how you're feeling, but there's another way to look at this. Jesse: Yeah. For example, what's the best part of a bologna sandwich? Stephanie: The bologna. Jesse: And where's the bologna? Stephanie: In the middle. Jesse: Let's take an Oreo cookie. What's the best part of an Oreo cookie? Stephanie: The chocolate milk you dunk it in. Jesse: Come on, Steph; you know where I'm going with this. Joey: I know! The cream is the best part. Jesse: And where is the cream? Joey: In the middle. Jesse: Don't help. It's in the... Stephanie: Middle. Danny: Steph, what all this bologna and cookie talk is getting to is that every part of the family is special in its own way. Joey: Yeah, you're the only one that has a big sister and a little sister. Stephanie: That's true. What else you got? Danny: Another good thing about being the middle child is that a lot of the mistakes we made raising D.J., we won't have to make on you. D.J.: I'm getting depressed. So far I'm the soggy part of the sandwich and the throwaway part of the cookie. Stephanie: smiles I like that. end-of-episode inspirational music plays. Danny: Stephanie, come here. You have to realize that sometimes your sisters are gonna need our attention. But if you ever feel like you're not getting your fair share, I want you to come and tell us about it. Stephanie: Really? I can do that? Danny: You better. Every time I get a little busy with something, I don't want you to run off and get married. Stephanie: Me neither. I don't know about this husband thing. One whiff of their mom's meatloaf and they're gone. all line up to hug her. Danny: Come here, you beautiful bride. Joey: Me next. Jesse: Okay, lay one on your Uncle J. You know how it's done. All right. D.J.: Oh, well, come on. Michelle: Hug. Danny: You know, I think this home video would be so much better if it had all three of my girls. Let me see. You wanna sing "I Write the Songs" or go for the Hula-Hoop record? Stephanie: Daddy, I can do both. singing I write the songs that make the whole world sing, I write the songs of love and special things. Jesse: Everybody. All: singing I write the songs that make the young girls cry; I am music, and I write the songs! picture-17.png|Danny, Jesse, and Joey are all having so much fun blowing bubbles with Michelle that they don’t even notice when she wanders off picture-22.png|Danny films Michelle, hoping she’ll eat at her table like a big girl so he can share it with the viewers of Wake Up, San Francisco picture-4.png|Jesse and Joey working on an advertising jingle picture-60.png|Michelle with headphones on picture-91.png|Stephanie confides in Mr. Bear prompting a fantasy dream sequence picture-122.png|In Stephanie's fantasy, she has just returned from a trip to Mars but no one cares about her picture-152.png|Stephanie asks Harry to propose to her because she says she will be stuck in the house until she gets married picture-161.png|D.J., Jesse, and Joey's latest failed attempt on D.J.'s science project is interrupted by a group of kids who arrive for Stephanie’s wedding picture-192.png|Harry and Stephanie get married picture-211.png|Stephanie is told by the family that they do, in fact, care about her picture-221.png|Stephanie is consoled by Joey picture-231.png|Stephanie hugs Jesse picture-20.png|D.J. and Stephanie hug picture-25.png|Stephanie bends down to hug Michelle picture-27.png|Stephanie shows the family her hula hooping abilities Category:Episodes Category:Season 2 Category:Galleries Category:Episode Gallery Category:Trivia